I feel pain

I feel pain and for many years I was selfish and kept that pain to myself.  Sounds pretty silly doesn't it?  I kept it inside because as a man growing up you are not supposed to feel pain and if you do you certainly don't show it or share it with anyone.  Hence, I was selfish.  I was, for quite a long time very adept at back burnering pain and forgetting about it.  However what I didn't realize was though I may have left it on a back burner, that burner still produced heat.  When it hit the point where it overheated my life got real messy, real fast.  What I realized is pain is like good food.  It should be take off the burner altogether and shared with good friends and family.  There is a chance that that situation may not go well, but more times than not sharing it helps.  I know I had some things on that back burner for over 40 years.  When I did finally take it off and shared it you can bet that it was not a pleasant experience.  It brought out parts of me that I never knew existed. 

It is said by some that we are all capable of inflicting great harm upon out fellow man.  Only by acknowledging this fact and making a conscious decision to never forget it do we find a way to control it.  I have felt strong enough pain that I knew without a doubt I was capable of hurting someone badly yet by knowing that fact I am able to know that I won't hurt someone out of anger.

I know also that I share pain from other people.  I am drawn to it like a moth to light.  Not because of the pain they feel but because of the relief of pain that I know they will experience.  I do not seek out people in pain.  I believe they are put into my life so that by being there for them I can continue to grow and handle my own pain wisely.

Today still, I feel pain.