My multiple personalities

Tonight I realized I really do have multiple personalities.  I walk out of a store and a guy is sitting in a car staring me down like he discovered I spit on his girlfriends lunch or something.

Badass Me says I should go over, not say a word and smack the living shit out of him before he realizes I am even there.

Funny Guy Me says I should walk over, laugh in his face and tell him he's a silly looking white guy and couldn't look mean and tough if his life counted on it, pat him on the top of the head and say "Nice try Son" and walk away laughing the whole time.

Swap meet

To the lady at the swap meet yesterday walking out carrying a nice brand new suitcase, "Ma'am those are called WHEELS that are mounted on your nice brand new suitcase. That means means you can roll it instead of carrying it."

Paper airplanes

Why is it when you drop a single sheet of paper it will glide and float all over the room avoiding all your attempts to catch it for 10 minutes but when you fold a piece of paper into a paper airplane it plummets to the ground like it was shot out the sky by a missile?

Happy Monday!!

Dear Funny Yet Extremely Mad Lady on the west 52 in the gray Ford Fusion:
Yes I saw you attempting to drive over the back of me and get into my back seat at 70 MPH this morning. Yes I was laughing hysterically at you as my foot mysteriously lost contact with the accelerator pedal causing my poor car to lose momentum and slow to about 60 MPH. Yes, again I was laughing hysterically as you appeared to be quite angry and yelling, screaming and waving at me as my foot found the accelerator pedal again and quickly increased my speed to 80 MPH just as you changed lanes in what I believe was an attempt to pass me on the right.

HAPPY MONDAY!!

Sinus flushes

Been having issues with sinus headaches this week. Tried a nasal flush treatment for the first time. HOLY SHIT!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'VE HAD A FIRE HOSE BLASTING MY HEAD APART FROM INSIDE!!!! Sinuses are clearing but I still feel like I'm in the deep end of the pool.

Vons Baggers

Dear Vons Bagger. The reason I bring these nice strong canvas shopping bags is to put groceries into, therefore making those groceries easier to carry. Canvas bags are much stronger than plastic bags and can actually handle gallon jugs of milk and juice and of course other heavy items. Having you put all the heavy items separate and unbagged in my cart defeats both the purpose of my bags and your job. In the future at least ask me if I would like these items bagged instead of burying them under everything else and letting me find them in the parking lot.